benparsons.com

Ben Parsons’ valiant tall bike, the Viaduct, threw himself in to harm’s way to save the Parsons family last night, during the Giant Snow Storm of 2008. as huge tree branches plummeted toward their home, he dove in to their path and sacrificed his own well being to protect the Parsons. “I just hope he’s ok” said Ben, on surveying the damage “I guess we’ll find out after some of this melts. Thanks buddy” he remarked to his fallen friend.
No word yet on how the Viaduct will fare, but hopes are high as we head into the holidays.

we’ll be debuting a new segment on this weeks podcast entitled “ask a midwife, sex ed with Mel”, and that means that you can send an email asking any question about sex, birth, anatomy, sex, reproduction, sex, etc. and maybe have it answered on the ben parsons podcast, by an actual midwife who knows these sorts of things!

You know how it is- you’ve been wondering that one kinda embarrassing thing about sex or whatever, and you don’t know who to ask- well, ask mel. if you want it to be anonymous, just sign the email “anonymous” (or make up one of those great pseudonyms people use on things like this). of course, mel will know who the email came from, but she’s a professional, and completely comfortable with confidentiality and protecting anonymity. your secret is safe with her. on the other hand, if you want, you can sign your name, in which case the fan of the podcast will know the first name of the person that asked the question, and that means the odds are good that he will be able to figure out who you are.

and now, even more exciting news! the ben parsons podcast now has an official tagline! are you ready for this?

“the ben parsons podcast: one turntable and two microphones”

SO: please feel free to send any reproductive types of questions to this email address: askamidwife@gmail.com

and for any comments/thoughts about the show or the site that for whatever reason you don’t want to post publicly, email me at this address: ben@benparsons.com

this week’s podcast will have an extra helping of awesomeness, as we’ll be joined by none other than Mase, (aka Aaron “like in ‘apple’” Mason) pictured here, high atop the mighty Viaduct.

i mean, he’s high as in altitude, not the other kind of high (?)

as macabre as that sounds, i’m actually just going to write about my experience at the dead baby downhill race this weekend. i don’t really remember which day it was.

first off here is a link to some serious journalism on the subject, for those of you who like your local news to be more “news-y” LINK

for those who have stayed to hear my report, it can be found below.

(below)

(a little further down)

(almost there)

so- i get on my lowrider rat patrol bike, known as clint eastwood
(mel and clint)
and by the time i make it up to winchell’s, which shares a parking lot with the food-love of my life, Rancho Bravo Taco Truck, i’ve got myself a flat back tire.

so clint and i walked home, to switch out for my 56 times faster, but 14 times less cool road bike, Nacho. (Nacho and i, after a violent hail-storm of a commute)

so i pick up Nacho and roll up to Phinney Ridge where the race will begin at a little place i like to call “el chupacabre” (mostly because that is what it is called. it’s named after a creature of questionable existence)

after registering and getting my shirt and very important dead baby drink bottle, i sat around and looked at some great bikes until the race began.

ok, here is the secret– it’s not really a race. it’s a bunch of people riding their bikes down a bunch of hills in order to arrive at a giant bike party with lots of beer. don’t tell anybody. i mean, there is an actual messenger race that’s a part of it, but i’m not a messenger so that is not relevant.

we get to the spot after some shenanigans involving bubba’s kid bike chain coming off, him ripping the chain guard off with his bare f-ing hands and then finishing the ride, and a giant “conference bike” rolling down 2 lanes of traffic.

i forgot my camera, so there are no actual shots of the party here. it’s sort of like bigfoot- if i did have pictures, they’d be all shady and shaky anyway, as it’s a requirement to be drinking the entire time (ok, i made that part up- you only have to drink two thirds of the time).

i saw some impressive bunny-hopping skillz, ate a burger, and listened to some rockabilly while in the beer line. i spent a lot of time in the beer line. this was not because it was exceptionally long, it’s more to do with the fact that i drank a lot of beer.

after a few more competitions i decided to hop on Nacho and ride home at about 11:30. this is because i am old. i am almost 31. that’s about 1/3 of john mccain’s age. unfortunately, this means that i missed the tall-bike jousting, but i was pretty… “tired”, so i left. here is a youtube of last year’s race/party. i couldn’t find one of this year’s (weeeeak)

so on my way back, i’m riding on the burke-gilman, trying not to stop, fall over, get hit by cars, fall over, or fall over, when all of a sudden, i fall over. on my side. on the pavement. it still hurts.

i am an idiot.

it was also pretty funny.

sadly, my tall bike, The Viaduct, was broken by a large uncoordinated man at Gasworks park a few weeks ago. i let Uncoordinated and his buddies ride it, and he broke one of the welds.

for the last few weeks i’ve been contemplating his fate- should i re-weld? start a new one from scratch? (don’t worry, he can’t read).

i’m overjoyed to say that tonight, i drilled a hole thru the steering tube and top frame fork assembly, stuck an old saddle bolt thru there, and The Viaduct RIDES AGAIN!

halelujah!

i can’t really say how happy this makes me.here is an old pic of The Viaduct as Gasworks from Critical Mass a few months ago.