benparsons.com

A bit ago, we at the Pink House realized that we needed a coat rack. So, as usual, my rad wife Mel (yeah, i’m 30, so i occasionally say “rad”) looked on Craig’slist and Freecycle, but to no avail.That is when i realized that i had to take these urgent matters in to my own hands, and take the same type of action the U.S. would- the use of lethal military power.No, wait. What i actually did was create a great, functional and cheap coat hanger which i now refer to as the “Space Cactus”. (get it? -the hooks point in all directions, sort of like cactus needles.)

Here is a step-by-step guide to creating your very own Space Cactus (absurdly long trip to IKEA not required- but maybe they’ll make me an offer i can’t refuse!)

Space Cactus tool list: No tools are absolutely necessary, which is one of the things that makes the Space Cactus kick so much ass. BUT, pliers and a pocket knife could come in handy…

Space Cactus creation inventory: One wood closet dowel- 1″ diameter will be fine, one box of threaded hooks, about 6-8 feet of wire- the kind you hang pictures with, or you can get a “picture hanging packet” (this is a little box with like 6 ft of wire and some nails in it). Paint/stain is optional. A little tiny bit of duct tape.

Instructions-

Step 1. Cut a hole in that box. (if you thought that was funny we would probably get along)

OK, now the REAL Step 1. If you are going to want a painted/stained dowel, do that first. If staining, simply give it a quick once-over with some sand paper, and stain that baby- repeat till it’s to your liking. If painting, then decide if you want the hooks to match the dowel or not. If yes, then go to step 2 before painting, and paint the whole thing in one shot. If you want the hooks and dowel to be different colors (don’t we all?) then paint the hooks separately, then the dowel, and THEN proceed to step 2.

Step 2- attach the hooks. I did this by making a little pilot hole for each hook with a pocket knife, but you don’t HAVE to make pilot holes, ok badass? Just do it by hand without them if you have to be such a tough guy…. If you need help twisting the hooks in, get your hands on some pliers. If you want your hooks and dowel the same color, then now is painting time! weee! i spray painted mine white, as you can see, but now i wish i had painted the hooks another color before attaching them. well, sometimes you just have to move on…

Step 3- Figure out where you are going to put this thing. I made this part step 3 because if you try to figure out where to put it first, you might get hesitant and decide that a Space Cactus is not the coolest thing you’ve ever seen and do something less productive with your time, like watching the local news on TV, the worst possible way to spend time ever created. The location is important because you need to make sure that you can put the suspension and anchor hooks in. The suspension hook goes in to the ceiling, preferably in to a ceiling joist or truss. Don’t screw that baby in to sheet rock alone, unless you plan on only hanging a few t-shirts from it. The Anchor hook is easier, because most flooring will accept one of those hooks easily. We have hardwood, and i screwed that thing right in there- BAM!

Step 4- Put one hook in each end of the dowel, and bend the hook over a bit, so that it looks more like an eye (see close-up pic) again with the pliers

Step 5- Install suspension hook.

Step 6- Take some of the wire and tie a good knot in one end, attaching it securely to the suspension hook. cut off the excess wire from the knot, and decide where you want the top of your dowel to be. Now cut the wire to the approximate length and tie another knot at the end of the wire, connecting it to the top hook of the dowel. Repeat this process for the anchor hook.

Step 7- take a little duct tape and wrap it around the wire knots. That way nobody will see that you only really know how to do granny knots, and it will also cover up any sharp poky wire that’s sticking out so it cant poke you in the eye or scratch up your coat. or cat. either way, there will be less scratching, although i admit that it does look better without the duct tape, so i may be taking mine off sometime soon.

Step 8- Hang coats. 

PS. hey! i figured out how to put breaks in between the paragraphs!  woo!