benparsons.com

big deal.

what i’m saying is, as gas gets cheaper, people will probably start driving more and taking the bus/bike less. this is not good. those of you who have begun bicycling due to increased fuel costs will by now know the secrets of the bike. they don’t just save you money. no, no no.

riding a bicycle has these effects on everyone:

1. increased sexy-ness
2. makes your brain work better
3. fights depression
4. gives you more self confidence
5. gives you an edge in traffic
6. helps keep your punk-rock street cred
7. scares drivers. not a lot, just enough.
8. justifies more beer drinking
9. balances the chi
10. eliminates STDs (ben parsons is not a doctor)

if the above reasons and photo are not enough to convince you to stay in the saddle, then check this- today i had to replace a tire on our honda. mel sideswiped a curb, and it punctured the sidewall, making a repair impossible. i spent 3 hours and 80 dollars getting that piece replaced. compare that to when i got a flat on Nacho (my ‘cross bike) out on Bainbridge island with World War Z and Back Door Dave- i had a new tube in there in about 4 minutes, which i then accidentally punctured with a tire lever, meaning that i had to replace it with another tube. the whole thing probably took less than 10 minutes and cost about six bucks. two tubes in ten minutes for less than ten dollars. come on!

PS. Bainbridge Island was obviously designed by some masochistic freakshow of a road engineer. it has some of the steepest, most gigantic hills i have ever seen. good thing i grew up in Shelton!!!

[for your information, when you see a word that is hi-lit like this on my blog, you can click on it. it's a link to something, in this case a link to an HTML programming website. do you catch the irony?]

lately i’ve been hearing a lot of ads on the radio for cars. this is because i listen to the radio for about 8 hours a day, 4 days a week. that is a LOT of ads.

what i have noticed is that, although it is by most accounts, 2008 (Nepal would beg to differ, as the Bikram Sambat calendar is 56.7 years ahead of the Gregorian calendar- the one used in most of the world) cars don’t get good gas mileage. i mean, this is just bizzare.

it’s 2008, and not only do almost all vehicles still burn an air polluting fuel that is quickly running out, but they burn A LOT of it. i mean here are a couple of “fuel efficient” vehicles by Ford. they get 30 and 35 MPG on the HIGHWAY. the EPA decided that a car that gets 30 MPG or higher is “fuel efficient”. WHAT A FREAKING JOKE. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS.

even funnier, the “fuel efficient” hybrids! do you know about this??? here is a chart showing mileage ratings for hybrids. WOW! MY LEXUS HYBRID GETS AN ASTONISHING 24 MILES PER GALLON! what a crock of shart!

here’s the thing- in high school i had a 1984 honda accord hatchback that got 40 MPG on the highway. i also had a complete piece of shit GEO metro that could beat that! it was falling apart. i put at least one cigarette out on the outside of the door. i’m pretty sure the wheels were held on with rubber bands, but that bitch got WAY better mileage than your dumb ass Lexus hybrid SUV.

not only that, but let me check your alternate-fuel knowledge.

which of these things is NOT currently being used to propel an automobile: air, hydrogen, sunlight, and chicken poop. ?

answer: ALL OF THE ABOVE. yup. you can power a car on all kinds of stuff.

but we don’t. we burn oil instead. lots of it, and for $4.30 a gallon.

solutions? i have a few…

-get a time machine and travel back to 1984 and get a honda accord hatchback.
-get biofuel.
-ask the US govt. to up the mileage requirements and for more strict EPA standards.
-GET YOUR ASS ON A BIKE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

in conclusion, another ad i heard about was for super supplements, a supplement chain here in Seattle. it’s these 2 ladies complaining about how they are too fat to go on vacation to Hawaii. one lady convinces the other that they should go to super supplements to buy weight-loss aids. at the end one of the ladies says “i’ll drive”. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. i started laughing SO hard, and i just yelled out “are you joking? get your ass on a bike and RIDE to the supplement store to buy your stupid weight control stuff!” the guy i work with was sort of surprised. but only sort of.

in no particular order:

Soundwave. this is a transformer that turns in to a boom box. hell yeah. ok, boom boxes in general. i mean, can you beat em? no. i’d like to post a picture of one here, but that function seems to be not funking functioning right now. so click the link.

my kids.

bicycles.

Vain magazine! these guys are really putting out good stuff. my pal zack is the art director, and he and the crew of Vain have put together some really quality material for the spring ‘08 issue. you can order one at the website on the Vain link. for those who don’t know, Vain is an arts zine published in Seattle. -a while back, i was asked to compose an original piece of music for the mag, to accompany a written piece by another guy. this spring’s issue has featured my excerpt “shame” which was first published right here on this blog. anyway, i read a few of the other pieces this morning, and feel like i’ve been thrown in with some really talented people. the stories and photos were REALLY well done. Vain has taken it up a few notches, in my opinion. thanks to the Vain crew for publishing my writing and music.

ok, i have a new (old) zombie game that i just got, so i’m gonna play that now. and yeah, zombie video games rule.